It's 2019 * Let's do this!

                                   Happy New Year!

We had the privilege of attending the Mobile Bay Campus on December 29^th and Pastor Jimmy Bowers preached an incredible message. In light of the New Year, I wanted to encourage you by sharing some of it here.

1. Show Me: One of the most important parts of growing in our faith in Christ is a willingness to ask the Lord to search our hearts.
   “Search me, God, and know my heart;
       test me and know my anxious thoughts.
   See if there is any offensive way in me,
       and lead me in the way everlasting.”  –Psalm 139:23-24
    
   There have been times where I thought everything in me was ‘fine’ and it really wasn’t. I love the way Scripture always addresses how I’m feeling and points me to the truth. Jeremiah 17:9 says, this: “The heart is deceitful above all things”; so that tells me that if I truly want to become more like Christ, I must be willing to ask the Lord to show me the true condition of my heart and then humbly obey what He’s asking me to do.
    
2. Cleanse Me: After going through the process of the Lord showing me areas that need to be changed, I must be open to the spiritual cleansing process.
   1 John 1:8-9--“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
    
3. Send Me: Finally, out of willing obedience, ask the Lord to send you out to do His will.
   Isaiah 6:8- “Here am I, send me!”

**We'd love for you to join us in this season of 21 Days of Prayer and Fasting.

Mon-Fri at 6am; Saturdays at 9am (January 6-26)....see www.churchofthehighlands.com for campus/location addresses.

                               More of Him; less of me ~ "He must become greater; I must become less"-John 3:30

Fourteen years ago our lives changed forever

12.27.04 * Forever Family Day *




Days earlier, we boarded a plane in Maryland, bound for Beijing, China. Matthew and I, along with our 3.5 year-old little Meredith, and Matthew's parents, were on our way to adopt our youngest daughter. The Lord had spoken to both Matthew and I through some incredible set of circumstances in 2003 where we knew He had called us to adopt, even though we could have conceived another child on our own.




Along with about 48 other families, (this is just the group from our tour bus)

we found ourselves in Communist China, united by our adoption agency, America World, based in McLean, VA. Little did any of us know, the journey on which we were about to embark.

This picture shows the moments after Zhan Wen Jing was placed in our arms at the China Center of Adoption Affairs in Guangzhou, China. She was almost 10 months old, barely weighed 15 pounds and could not sit up on her own. Her little bottom had open wounds from a severe diaper rash.

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It is on days like today where I think about her birthmother. I'm sure the choice to give up her daughter was not an easy one. We are forever grateful for her sacrifice and are so thankful the Lord chose us to be her parents. Over the years Gabrielle has asked some of these questions, which I, too, often wonder:

Do you think my birthmother is still alive?

Do I have brothers and sisters?

Do you think my birthmother knows who Jesus is?

What will happen to her when she dies?

Why don't I look like you and Daddy?

I wonder what she looks like?

Do you think I have her personality?

I wonder what my grandparents are like?

Do you think I will ever be able to find her?

And as a mother, it's the last question that haunts me. It haunts me because I don't have an answer and my heart breaks for Gabrielle because I can't make it better. However, I am so thankful her story did not end in a hopeless, sterile, state-run Communist orphanage.

The Lord had more for Gabrielle and He has more for you, too.

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Perhaps you, like us, have questions this side of heaven that will never be answered.

Because of our faith in Jesus Christ, this is where we always land when we contemplate these unknowns:

1. God is a loving God because He gave up His only Son to live on earth, and to eventually die and pay for our sins. ~ John 3:16

2. His ways are higher than our ways; and often we do not fully comprehend them because we are limited by our own human understanding. ~ Isaiah 55:8-9

3. God never gives us more than we can handle and He always provides the grace and strength to endure the challenges we face. ~ 1 Corinthians 10:13

4. His plans for us are to prosper us and give us a future and a hope. ~ Jeremiah 29:11

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If you've ever considered adoption, I'd be honored to share more with you about our experiences. Of this I do know, the Lord has used our adoptions to deepen my faith and knowledge of God the Father who loves us immeasurably, in ways I could have never imagined prior to becoming an adoptive mother.

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"He must become greater; I must become less" ~ John 3:30

More of Him, less of me

Have you ever had those moments as a believer in Jesus where you wanted more? More wisdom, more insight, more creativity, more love, more compassion? I have and I've been thinking about that a lot lately.
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If you are new to my blog, thank you for checking it out! I started it years ago during one of our adoption processes. Writing is very cathartic for me even though I have not been disciplined or consistent in doing so, ever. This year I hope to change that by being more consistent in sharing what the Lord is teaching me. If you look back through my blog (not sure why you would, but in case you do) you'll find a variety of subjects I've written about.
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Back to more.....I'm now on staff at Highlands College www.highlandscollege.com and one of the things we have weekly for our students is Chapel services, on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I absolutely love attending Chapel, for so many reasons. Worship is one of the primary ways the Lord speaks to me; but I also enjoy hearing from the best pastors and teachers who come to speak during Chapel each week. Several months ago one of those pastors spoke on John 3: 30, "He must become greater; I must become less." I continue to mull over this verse and the Lord continually brings it to mind. What does that look like for me? What does that look like for you?


How can I focus on that each day---making Him greater? In my thoughts, in my actions, in my words, how I spend my time. For me, much of making Him greater means that I have to quiet all the noise that tends to interrupt or fill my day. Things like social media, TV, conversations that are not life-giving, radio, making lists of things to accomplish; yada, yada, yada. So, the other day He told me, "You need to go out for a walk."


I love to walk in our neighborhood. It's during those times when I don't take my phone that I can hear Him speak the loudest. I had a lot to do, as it was a about 10 days before Christmas and it was cold outside. I didn't really want to go.....but years ago, I told the Lord that I would start saying, "Yes" when He asked me to do something, no matter how small it seemed. Asking me to go on a walk seemed small, so saying 'no' would have been easy. I started to make excuses in my head when I heard the Holy Spirit speak, "Go." So, I put on my shoes and coat and headed out the door.


It had only been a few minutes when He said, "You say you want more of Me; but at times you seem too busy." Ouch! "I'm here all the time and I love it when you spend time with Me and make this time a priority. I have so much I want to tell you. How to love your husband; how to parent your girls; how to be more effective in the role I've given you at HC." And the conversation continued. It was so sweet. His love for us is so great; we let so many moments go by each day where He wants to lavish us with His love, but we are so buys doing 'life' that those precious moments slip away.


Friends, let's make 2019 a year of more. More devoted in our relationship with the Lord, which will touch every other facet of our lives, making everything else richer and more meaningful. He loves each of you more than you could ever possibly know and He has so much He wants to give you.


                   John 3: 30 ~ "He must become greater; I must become less."

Part four: Exercise on a Budget

Exercise. For some people, this should be a four-letter word. For me, though, it has always been something I enjoyed. I'm not really sure why, but thankfully, it has not been a huge struggle for me over the years. I like pushing myself, I like working up a sweat, and I'm ultra-competitive--with others and with myself.

Last year when I made the investment to make some serious eating habit changes, I knew I had to start working out differently, too. Over the last few years, a very popular trend in the fitness community has been a certain type of gym. I visited one, once, with our daughter because her 1st small group met at one. The moms were invited one time and I thought I was going to die. At that point in 2014, I had just accepted that I was a little heavier than I was when we got married in 1999 and I was okay with that. I reassured myself that it was because I could no longer run because of arthritis in both my knees. My exercise routine consisted of walking in our neighborhood and a few sit-ups a few times a week. We canceled our YMCA membership for several reasons--I enjoyed the Spinning classes and the Y-Cross classes, but I could not justify the ongoing monthly expense when I was the only one in our family utilizing the facility.

In 2015 things had settled down a bit in our business and I finally found myself having some more free time. I felt like I had the time and money in 2016 to make some changes. After doing a lot of research and visiting several gyms in the area, I settled on one.

The program lasted about 8 weeks. I followed the program and did everything that was required. I did not get the complete results I wanted during that time, but I knew I could continue on my own with everything I had learned. I made the decision to start buying equipment I could use at home and keep in our garage. The best way to describe these workouts is HiiT--high-intensity interval training---aka--muscle confusion at its finest. It's a combination of cardio and weights with several sets of multiple reps. And, I can finally say, at 43 years old, I am in the best shape of my life. When I started the program, I really didn't think it was possible. But healthy eating combined with the right exercises will burn fat and tone muscle.

Do I complete HiiT exercises every day? No. That would be boring to me. I do get some form of physical activity in every day, though. In general, I work out 3-4 days a week, for 30-45 minutes....working up a good sweat.....using a combo of cardio and weights. If I can make it 4-5 days, that's good, but that doesn't happen often.
The program ended last May, but I have kept the weight off and have continued to exercise on my own at home. 

Here's what you'll find in our garage:  I have three sets of dumbbells: a 5 pound set, an 8 pound set and a 10 pound set.  I have two kettle bells--15 pounds and 20 pounds. I have a yoga mat and a step.

I have a 12 pound slam ball and an 8 pound medicine ball. I have a pair of sliders and an ab roller; 2 sets of exercise bands  and a jump rope. All this equipment is much less then a monthly gym membership would cost over the course of just a few months. Oh, and I have a white board where I write down my exercises for the day. There are dozens of websites that post sets of exercises for free. Very, very thankful for these resources!  

This is the verse that I claim for this area of discipline:
1 Corinthians 9:27 (NKJV)
²⁷ But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.
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I'd love to hear your thoughts or help you figure some of these things out for yourself if you're needing some encouragement. If I can do it, so can you!

Part 3: What not to eat

Who didn't love the show, "What Not to Wear?" Seriously, though, I only watched it a few times during its 10-year run. Sometimes I feel like those contestants when I come out of our bedroom and our 15-year-old critiques my outfit!

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I guess this post should be Part 3:What not to eat

When I met with the nutritionist, we discussed food  and the importance of and timing of meals. I definitely learned a lot. I could have done all this research myself, but I already had someone who was educated on the topic and could help me understand this from a new perspective.

 

Basically, we need to choose foods that are closest to the way God created them---essentially avoiding things that are processed. WoW! I knew that things were going to drastically change for me. The SAD (standard American diet) is really not good for us at all because of all the chemicals we consume in processed and fried foods. It's important to choose foods that are lean proteins, good carbs, and good fats (monounsaturated and polyunsaturated).

 

Well, the road ahead was going to be tough, but I knew with the Lord's help, it was possible. So, I set out to buy a bunch of new, healthy groceries and avoid foods made with white processed flour and white sugar (no  white bread, white rice, white potatoes, white pasta, sugary snacks, cookies, ice cream, brownies candy bars and nothing fried). What on earth was I going to eat????

 

I figured it out and my taste buds came around. I learned to love a lot of foods I'd eaten in the past, in their natural state. Since last April, I've eaten more eggs, cheese, whole grain pasta and bread, apples, and avocados than I had in the previous 42 years combined!

Before changing my eating habits to essentially eating 'clean', I had a lot, I mean a lot of digestive issues. You name it, I had it. I'd learned to live with those problems and really thought a lot of it was due to my love of tomatoes....salsa, spaghetti sauce, raw and cooked tomatoes, etc. However, I don't think they were the culprit because I've continued to eat tomatoes and salsa, but have cut out essentially all fried and processed foods. And practically overnight, my tummy issues disappeared. Other than toning up and more muscle definition, this has been one of the best benefits of changing my eating habits.
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There are critical components to how many times a day you eat, when you eat, and how much you eat. I'd love to share them with you, if you're interested. Just send me an email: sbass524@gmail.com
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I mentioned in an earlier post that my middle name should have been "chocolate". So, you may be wondering if I've given that up altogether. And the answer is....absolutely.....NOT. Before these changes, I may have eaten 2-3 Chips a'Hoy-size cookies....now, I may just eat a bite or two. I would eat an entire pack of M&Ms......now, I eat a few and enjoy the pack over a few days. I may have eaten 1.5 donuts in one sitting. I really don't eat them at all anymore. I love them too much. I just need to stay away from them altogether.

Do I eat ice cream? Yes....occasionally. Brownies? Yes....occasionally. For the first 8 weeks of this new plan, I did not have any white sugar. I only used one packet of Splenda/day in my one cup of creamer-less coffee. I pretty much cut sugar out completely because I needed to break some really bad habits. Now I know I can control my cravings with just 'samples' of sweets, every now and then. Is that easy? No. Is it necessary? Yes. It is necessary if I don't want to find myself where I was a year ago. Doing anything significant and worthwhile requires determination, work, and the will to stick to the plan.

If I can do it.....so can you. There's nothing special about me. You just have to want the change. You have to be willing to put in the hard work and discipline. Significant life change in any area doesn't happen overnight. It takes time. Be patient. Hang in there. Seek the Lord and His guidance. He will help you become more healthy. My last post about this topic will be about exercise and what I've done with that part of this discipline. I'd love to hear your thoughts, comments, stories.

 

Part two: The scoop

Here's a little about the specifics of what I did last year to lose some weight and keep it off. Mind you, I did not have a certain amount of weight in mind....I just knew I wanted to push myself, start eating better, and tone up. It's not that I was eating horrible, but I knew I could do better. I'd never put myself with a coach or trainer who challenged me to push my mental and physical limits and I wanted that....mainly to see what would happen. I knew I was mentally prepared and mentally tough...so I was finally ready for the challenge.

I invested some money (and it was about what a friend just spent on a month's worth of food from one of the large companies that sell pre-packaged products for people who are 'dieting') which got me 2 sessions with a nutritionist and 18 semi-private training sessions.
It's really that simple.

I am a pretty 'by-the-book' Type A personality...I like rules...I like to follow rules...I like plans...I like to execute the plan....you give me a list of things to do and I'm on it. I also like things that get a desired end result. And I felt like this would do that.

Now, they could have given me the recommended plan, taken my money, and if I never did anything about it, or just tried half-heartedly, I'd be in the same boat today that I found myself in year ago.

I finally decided I'd do the hard thing and make some pretty drastic changes, especially to my eating habits. I've also done some pretty drastic things about working out. Since I was 14, I'd been a member of some type of gym, pretty consistently until I was 42. I like gyms. I like group exercise classes. I like being in a room...sizing everyone up...finding someone I think I can 'compete' with...and determine in my own little mind, I'll at least keep up with them, or do better. I love competition and I like to work hard.

But for the first time in a very long time, I am not a member of a gym. After the 8-week program ended, I spent a little money on some equipment to keep in our garage. I wanted to see if I was determined and disciplined enough to continue working out by myself. At times, it's kind of boring. However, I've had some of my greatest worship times and talks with the Lord during those workouts.

Next up, Part three:  Foods to eat, foods to avoid, and inexpensive equipment you can buy for your own home gym.......Let me know your feedback and/or questions!

Discipline, self-control and weight management: Part One

Discipline--one of my favorite words. Weird. I know. Some of you might be checking out about now.

**Let me first say that all of my thinking and decisions are based on my spiritual worldview. My faith in the Lord and my hope in His Word shape every facet of who I am.....even the part of me that concerns my weight, exercise and body image. That has not always been the case.

-My IG post yesterday mentioned that I lost 25 pounds last year. I did not start out with that as my goal last April. It just happened during the process of me making some pretty drastic changes. I'll share more on that later.

Back to Discipline--My desire to live a disciplined life is based on who I am in Christ. He has given me one body and my desire is to be as healthy as possible--spiritually, mentally and physically--so I can fulfill His purpose and plans. Christ lived a very disciplined life and I strive to be more like Him.

Portion control, weight management, food choices and exercise all take a great amount of discipline. Easy? No. Necessary? Yes.

Self-control---another one of my favorites. Even weirder? Possibly. When I hear 'self-control', I think of the Fruits of the Spirit. Oddly enough, it is the last one listed in Galatians 5:22-23. Paul even named 'patience' before 'self-control'. I wonder if that's because He knew we'd struggle with self-control the most.

Perhaps you're like me. It's hard to tell myself 'no'. Why? I want to be 'happy'. I like my needs and wants to be fulfilled. I see a pair of shoes I want. 'No'. I'm hungry, yet I know I need to say 'no' in the moment. We may give in and then feel guilty later. Exercising that 'self-control' muscle makes us stronger later. Every time we deny ourselves the fulfillment of that sudden urge..whatever it may be...makes it easier to do so the next time.

When it comes to eating, this is no exception. I can almost promise you, there is not another person on the planet who loves sweets more than me. I think I practically came out of my mama's womb craving a brownie or some ice cream. You think I'm kidding....Chocolate should have been middle name!

Weight management--Not one of my favorite words. It probably never will be. I'll lay it out there....I'm 43. I've given birth to one baby, adopted one baby, and adopted a pre-teen. I struggled with my body image for a good 12 years (13yrs old--25 yrs old)....ranging from starving myself to eating a ton and then abusing laxatives. No doubt...I probably did some serious damage to my metabolism. You can't abuse God's temple and have zero consequences, especially when you know what you are doing is wrong. I knew I was hurting myself at the time...I was a strong believer during these years...but the enemy had a hold on this area of my life and it was tied to so many other hurts I had not let go of yet. It wasn't until I met Matthew that I knew I had to surrender this area to the Lord. And it has been a journey ever since.
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You're probably thinking....just get to the point---tell me what to do. I want to feel better and lose weight.
I share all those things because those pieces of my story greatly impact who I am, how I make decisions and process emotions...which directly effect discipline, self-control and weight management. I had to figure all of this out for myself...before I found the key to success for me.... after years, it finally 'clicked'. I encourage you to do the same. Evaluate your emotions....how you feel about yourself; what things impact your decisions....from doing work at home, to buying groceries, to navigating relationships, to eating, spending money, to exercise, etc. Until you truly know what makes you do the things you do....you'll rarely find long-term success.....whether we're talking about success with body image/weight management or in any other area of life.

This verse has meant a variety of things to me during different phases of my life. It became increasingly significant during this journey last year, and even as I continue today:
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"--Philippians 4:13
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I'll get to more of the specifics of my healthy journey ...on another day. Stay tuned......

Little

Little. Such a simple word, but to a mom like me, it carries a lot of meaning. I stumbled across this in the bottom of my makeup drawer yesterday. I almost burst into tears immediately. Someone gave this to us as part of a baby shower gift 16 years ago. The little girl whose nails I used to trim with this is not so little anymore. Instead of giving her a bath after dinner, towel-drying her curly hair, and trimming her nails, we discussed whether she should take AP Language or Eng 101 next Fall as a Junior in high school.

I'm almost 43.5 years (and that half grows more significant with each passing year!) old and have been reflecting a lot the last two years over my time mothering. Maybe there are other moms out there, like me, who wish they could scoop up those hours, days, and weeks....the ones full of joy, laughter, bathtime, potty training, car seat-lugging, stroller-pushing, and tears from tantrums....and put them in a bottle as a sacred keepsake....something to visually remind us of the precious childhood experiences that we've long since said goodbye to.

It's not healthy to live in the past and spend endless minutes or hours wondering 'what if' or thinking 'I should have.' For me, reflecting gives me time to treasure the sweet memories I do have of when our girls were younger and it encourages me to cherish EVERY. SINGLE. moment I still have with them. Our daughters are almost 19, almost 16, and almost 13. The years they have left at home are now less than what we've shared with them already. I just don't want anything to be wasted. I want to be present in the moment, to give them my full attention, to truly listen, and to make these next few years the best ones ever.
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Being a young mother was hard for me at times. One of our girls was extremely strong-willed as a toddler. I felt the pressure to work outside the home because the church Matthew served in at the time during our first 5 years of ministry did not provide health insurance. I was trying to figure out the whole thing....being a good wife, mother, friend, staff wife, etc. and I feel like I failed more times than I got it right. Thank goodness for the grace of Jesus.

If you are find yourself in a similar place....new wife, new mom, now a mom to more than one child, stay-at-home mom, single mom, working mom....my heart goes out to you. We juggle a lot. A LOT. We wear a lot of hats---nurse, cook, butler, chauffeur, teacher, head cheerleader, therapist, coach, janitor, laundry room operator, ....you get the idea. You know, you do this everyday. If you are like me, you may put undue pressure and expectations on yourself, which makes life more stressful. My husband did not put expectations on me. Quite the opposite...I was and am truly blessed....he has always helped out at home...dishes, laundry, taking care of the kids, homework, errands, etc.

So, here's my two-cents to encourage you, to encourage us, to keep going, especially on the hard days, in those extremely difficult moments. You are doing a great job! You are a great mom!

1. Relax. It doesn't all have to be done today. Prioritize your tasks. Pray and ask God for wisdom about what has to be done now, and what can be done later.
2. Think of small ways to reward yourself.
--If I had a task that HAD to be done and it was on a day where I was extremely tired or stressed, I'd think of something ahead of time I wanted as a 'reward', an incentive, if you will.....I'd take a longer walk than normal. I'd treat myself to a specialty coffee if I was about to run errands. A piece of chocolate....anything....to help me make it through another load of dishes, laundry, or cleaning up a mess.
3. When your child(ren) want to tell you something....listen to them. Put your phone down. Close your laptop. Stop texting. Turn off the TV. Turn off the radio. And listen.
4. When you mess up, say "I'm sorry. I messed up. Can you please forgive me?"
5. Pray. Pray. And pray some more.

Lastly, I intended to continue doing this next thing....I started it....and like lots of things, did not follow through. I began keeping a journal of our girls' spiritual journeys. I started documenting conversations and questions they had about Jesus, the Bible, church, their faith, etc. I do know the dates they each gave their hearts to Jesus, but I truly wish I'd continued to write things down for them. I am so good at doing the things that must be done....the dishes, going to the bank, laundry, putting gas in the car, buying groceries, showing up to work, etc.....but the 'things' that are not 'mandatory' for life to continue, I tend to not be so intentional. Looking back, I would have scheduled time for this each week. If you can do that, I would highly recommend it. We write down and keep appointments; I wish I'd made this journaling a priority, an appointment per se. And with anything, it's never too late to start making something a habit that is important to you.

In closing and thinking about all of this, I love these verses:
"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus"--Philippians 1:6.
"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness"--Lamentations 3:22-23

Hope is rising

Hope is rising.....
I sense it during the prayer services, during Sunday services, in our home, and also in my heart.

Looking back, 2016 was a difficult year. Not just for us, but for a lot of people we know.
Like most people, we had stress in our home, in our marriage, with our business, etc. Life is funny. Things can be rolling along, everything seems pretty okay, and then WHAM! something happens that knocks the wind out of you and you find yourself laying flat on your back, per se.

This year I'm hoping and praying that things will settle back down.....not so we can coast, but so we can focus....focus on our marriage, our girls, and what the Lord is calling us to do. When everything in sight feels like a big, stirred up dust cloud, it's hard for me to focus.

So, once again, I will place my hope in Jesus Christ and focus on Him. Not because our circumstances are perfect. I don't know if my hope was every really misplaced, it just wasn't laser-focused....so that when things got hard, my soul wasn't totally anchored down. I was more easily swayed by the present circumstances and my emotions, which impacted my decision-making. It's so easy for me to slip into 'flesh-mode', instead of 'spirit-mode' when I'm weary and run down.
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2/2/17
This post was started on 1/23/17. I intended to finish it...but that never happened. Life has gotten in the way, again......work, home, church responsibilities.
I will go ahead and post it, though.....which completely goes against my Type A personality....to have everything perfectly edited, cleaned up, thought out, etc. I am reminded again, this life is not my own. It rarely turns out how I expect or plan and there are not enough time management or planning tools out there to perfectly construct my day, 24/7. It just doesn't work that way.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.--Isaiah 55:8

I will focus on this verse and realize His plans for me are greater than anything I could possibly put on paper, in my iPhone notes, scribble on my calendar, highlight in my planner, etc. He is the Great I AM. And I trust Him.

A miracle in the making

As I sit here tonight (originally written on 1/18), I can hardly even believe it....yet I CAN believe it, because the Lord is faithful, and good, and loving, and merciful.

I truly believe that most of the hearing in my left ear has been restored. A complete physical miracle nonetheless.

He is Jehovah Rapha---my healer. He is Jehovah Jireh--my Provider. He is Jehovah Shalom--my peace.

This is what I've been praying since January 10th:

"With man this is impossible; with God all things are possible."--Matthew 19:26

"Without faith, it is impossible to please God."--Hebrews 11:6

"He works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose."--Romans 8:28

"His plans for me are to prosper me, not to harm me; to give me a hope and a future."--Jeremiah 29:11

"Hear my cry, Lord. Have mercy on me, Lord."--Psalm 27:7

"Call to me and I will tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."--Jeremiah 33:3

"Seek me and you'll find me when you seek me with all your heart."--Jeremiah 29:13

"His grace is sufficient for me; for His power is made perfect in my weakness."--2 Cor. 12:9

"Being confident of this, He who began a good work in me, will be faithful to complete it."--Philippians 1:6

           "By His stripes, I am healed."--Isaiah 53:5

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I still have so many questions.....but I want to encourage you with this....keep praying; keep seeking His face; be diligent; seek Him more than the 'thing', more than the 'it' you are praying for. We know not why He responds as He does....that's not our place to know...it is our place to trust Him because He loves us like no other.