Unexpected diagnosis

During a post-Christmas, quick family getaway, I got a lot of water in my ear due to a freak accident. When we got home, I made an appointment with our family doctor because I was certain an ear infection was the culprit. He prescribed an antibiotic and after taking it for 5 days, I noticed no change. So, I made an appointment with an ENT....a specialist I've never seen. Albeit, we lived in Decatur for 7 years and we never even had a primary care doctor because we were never really sick.

I walked into the ENT Tuesday hoping and praying for relief for my left ear....I was so hoping he'd look at my ear, see fluid, pop in a tube, and walaaah....I could hear and feel 100 times better.

Well, that is not exactly what happened. After looking at my ear with the otoscope, then the microscope, the audiologist did a basic hearing test. I felt my right eardrum pulsate and then when she put the device in my left ear.....nothing. I felt nothing. After my stint studying biology in HS and college, and then anatomy/physiology in Maryland, I knew this was not good. Not good at all. Then, the audiologist performed numerous hearing tests on me in a soundproof room. The longer I was in there, the more hopeless I felt.

The short of it....I was diagnosed with sensorineural hearing loss....sudden deafness.
Dr. Moody thinks a virus attacked the 8th cranial nerve which caused profound hearing loss in my left ear. As any previous pre-med student would do, I've read several medical journal articles, trying to make sense of it all. Basically, I cannot hear anything in my left ear.

End of the world....no. A diagnosis of cancer or other devastating illness....no......the loss of my spouse or one of my daughters......no. Do I have questions? Yes. Lots of questions.

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As I wrestle with many questions, like.....how long will this last? Will I be deaf forever?
Will God heal me? What if He doesn't? Should I consider a hearing aid? And if I do, does that mean I've given up on the prospect of being healed? What does He want me to learn from this? Will I adjust to this constant ringing in my ear? How long will it take me to adjust to these new balance and coordination challenges? Will my body adjust to taking all these medications?
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So, for now I am so thankful by His providence I have an ENT that is also a believer (cool story how that happened). I am trying to focus on His goodness. I do believe that He loves me and His plan is best. Do I understand it all? Absolutely not. If I did, then I wouldn't need faith.

If you are struggling with some sort of loss, rejection, disappointment, grief....I would encourage you to press into Him. Dig into the Word, meditate on worship music. Find a verse or two to hang your hat on. Mine for this season are:
2 Cor. 12:9...."His grace is sufficient for me...." and Isaiah 53:5...."By His stripes we are healed."
And my songs for this season are "Not For a Moment"-Meredith Andrews and "I Am Not Alone"-Kari Jobe.

When things surprise us.....His is not surprised. He knows the number of my days....therefore He knew this would happen. The struggle is real and some moments are extremely frustrating and difficult. I will strive to find joy and be thankful even in the hard times. And as we sang this morning during Prayer, regardless of how I feel physically, I am confident of this: He is a good, good Father.