Pastor Chris Hodges

Most of you reading this may know we attend Church of the Highlands. It really is a God-thing we are here. (that is another story for another day)  Pastor Chris Hodges, even though I have never personally met him, has to be one of the godliest men I have ever had the privilege of hearing preach. He is so real; so authentic, so funny, so personable, so honest. Very few leaders possess these qualities. Not to mention, it seems so obvious that he is filled with the Holy Spirit....when he preaches, he preaches from a place of true wisdom, that only God can give.

Every Sunday when we are taking notes I keep thinking how I need to re-post or blog the things I am learning. I have yet to do that, but I am going to start today.

He started a new sermon series from the book of Phillipians: Joy No Matter What. Pastor Chris did a great job setting up the series, describing some of the persecutions Paul faced after giving his life to Christ. At times I think we feel persecution here on earth and it is real...but in perspective, it pales in comparison to the beatings, imprisonment, shipwrecks, and stoning Paul experienced. And still, he had joy.

For me, I go through seasons where adoption parenting is more difficult than others; or seasons where I think about adoption and all the emotions that go with it. Both of our adopted daughters came to our family from such different circumstances and because of that, parenting them is very different. Our youngest has openly struggled with wanting to know why her birthmother could not care for her. She wants to know if she will ever see her again. She wants to know if she is still alive. She wants to know if she is a Christian. She wants to know why adoption was part of God's plan for her.

Every time she has cried and asked these questions, we have tried to reassure her that God has a plan; a lot of times we don't understand His plan; we choose to believe that He loves us and His plan is best, even when we don't 'get it'; to be thankful that she has a family, etc. Over the last 3.5 years we have talked about this a lot with her; every time she has wanted to discuss it. Every time, it is so hard; so painful. My heart hurts for her, deeply. It hurts to see your child hurting and knowing you can't really make it all better, or answer the questions.

For adoptees, many of them have unanswered questions and it's this part of their story that makes life so difficult. The biggest unanswered questions: who is my mom? who is my dad? why couldn't they care for me? will I ever have the chance to meet them? when was I born? Where was I born? Do I have brothers and sisters? Who are my grandparents?
The unknowns can literally drive a person crazy. The lack of closure for adoptees, for two of our daughters, leaves some pretty deep, open wounds....and it's around these things that their lives are framed.

So, yesterday's sermon really spoke to me...as they all do...but coming on the heels of G's birthday, this one was really powerful. Pastor Chris said something about, "Stop asking 'why'?" We may never know 'why'. And start asking 'what?' What do you want to do in me and through me, Lord?

I pray that as we continue to parent our girls, we can teach them to stop asking 'why', and start asking 'what'? I know that I have wasted a lot of time, a lot of time, asking 'why'.....about different circumstances that I have been through and things in my past that I could not control. I let a lot of those things control me....control my emotions, my attitude, my relationships; and I don't want our girls to repeat those same destructive patterns.

Regardless of the 'lot' we have been dealt in life, I pray that we would choose joy and find our true peace in Him. For those things that do not make sense, we must trust that He does love us.