Painful memories

Tonight while Matthew took our youngest two to Rhett's football game, our oldest was home with me. We made muffins and afterwards she started talking about her memories from the orphanage.
Some of what she recounted she told me last Spring, but it's obviously still on her mind. I know that talking through these things will bring healing, even though it breaks my heart to hear some of the things she had to do and see.

These stories are just glimpses into some of the horrors that exist in orphanages and are reasons why adopted children bring with them pain that takes years and even a lifetime to process. Adoption parenting is hard because our children have experienced trauma on multiple levels and then join our families with mountains of hurt that need love, patience, and counseling. Then, this can cause conflict with other children in the home because they feel like the adopted child is getting special attention and treatment.

She recounted again the stories of what happened after a baby died. The children were made to carry the dead baby, placed in a box, down to a 'dark, creepy room' in the basement. She had to do this many, many times. She said a baby died almost weekly there. One day they did this and the next day, another baby died. She went with some others to carry the dead baby to the basement, to find the baby from the previous day, still there. She said no one had come to get it the day before to take it away. Because of that, she saw lots of blood all over the floor because mice and ants were eating the baby.

She then talked about how very little they got to eat. They ate rice every meal, and that's it. She said it was so nasty and watery. She said they had no soap to wash their hands, so they didn't wash their hands. They never brushed their teeth, either. They could only use toilet paper if they had a bowel movement. She got a pair of tennis shoes one time from a friend who got adopted and left her shoes for her because it was winter and she needed them for school. The older children had to take care of the younger ones because the adult workers would not.

The best thing we can do when our children start talking is listen to them. Ask probing questions to unpack more hurt and baggage, knowing that bringing the pain and evil to light ultimately brings healing. As she was talking, I was praising the Lord for the work He has accomplished in her life in such a short time. She really is truly remarkable. He has taught me so much through being her mother over these last two years. Adopting an older child is definitely difficult for so many reasons. But I am so glad we did, because I cannot bear the thought of her still being there, living in the nightmare when it was her reality for so long. She even described how in a sense she had become 'numb' to some of the atrocities, like carrying dead babies. She did not use that word, but essentially that was what she was telling me...'it was no big deal when we were there. We were used to it.'

Hugs your kids! Love on them. Thank the Lord for them. Lastly, as we approach November which is National Adoption Month, prayerfully consider how you can be involved in orphan care. There are 147+ million reasons why.