Have you ever.....??

Have you ever been in such a place in life where the ONLY thing that you knew could get you through was JESUS? I have and I am so thankful. Reflecting back on the last few months (something I do all the time) I realized that God has been drawing me nearer to Him like no other time in my life.

Even when things are so hard on so many levels, I have joy in knowing that these trials are making me more dependent on Him. There have been days where I thought I could not go on one more minute; where I just wanted to lay in the bed, pull the covers over my head and pretend I could disappear. But that is not possible, because I have a husband and three girls who need me. So, because of them, and because of His great love for us, I continue to cry out, "Jesus, You are ALL to us..Yes, You are. We need You, we want You..."

And He continues to provide just what we need for that moment, that day. I was reminded of that as I talked to a friend I have never even met, but she is a friend in Jesus. I don't even remember how we connected, but she, too, adopted an older daughter from China last August.

We have chatted a few times on the phone...she has 5 girls, so she is very busy. Our lives are very similar now because of the issues we both are facing, so it is nice to know someone else who has been there. She is so sweet and we can emphasize with one another and I am so thankful God allowed our paths to cross in cyberspace!

We both share concerns about our daughters' spiritual lives and pray for the day they come to know Him. As we discussed challenges related to that, she encouraged me, "God would not have brought A. to our family out of bondage in China, to be in bondage in the US." I agreed and we both know the saving power of Jesus is far greater than any statistic about the adoption of older children, and that in time, our girls will know true freedom, found only in Christ. I sooooo cannot wait for that day! The chains of bondage will be gone for good and true healing will be possible.

I know that only through the power of the cross, the shed bled of my Savior, holds the key to complete healing for DanNi. I desperately want that for her...to the point that my heart literally hurts inside.
This is a journey...filled with emotions that I never even knew existed. For example, one night last week we were pretty frustrated and discussing it over dinner at a restaurant. Matthew even said, "I feel like screaming in here. People would think I am crazy if I did." I knew exactly what he meant. Nine months ago, we would have never even thought about that...When you are pushed beyond your limits in all ways, it forces you to look deep within and to the One who holds it all together, because we sure don't have a clue.

Our world has been turned upside down, but for the good of our family, our marriage and our spiritual lives. God has incredibly special plans for my three girls and I am anxious to see those unfold.