A Hug and "Mama, my tummy hurts."

While our laptop continued to give me fits, there was soooo much I wanted to blog; but maybe it's for the best that I didn't. So much is constantly going through my mind, about our family, about adoption, my job, spiritual growth, His plan and will for us, etc....my mind NEVER stops!

Since the last post, we've had several good conversations with Danni about her feelings, about being here, about her communication issues, coming to us for help, what to do if she is in danger, etc. Since Thanksgiving break when we finally decided she would talk and implemented a nightly ritual of each family member saying 'Goodnight' to each other, that is the only time she says 'Mama', 'Baba'. She had never addressed us before, to talk to us, get our attention, ask for something, etc. If she needed something, she would find me and just 'appear' and I'd notice when I turned around.

It all came to a head when we decided she needs to start asking for help, requesting what she wants for breakfast, telling us what she wants for lunch, etc...and not just waiting for us to ask her. Matthew asked her last week, "So, if we NEVER asked you any questions or made you talk, would you talk to us?" She basically said 'no'. That is what I thought, but it was hard to hear nonetheless. She did actually say, "I don't know"...which is the standard default answer if she wants to dodge a question. Obviously, we still have a LOOOONNNNG way to go when it comes to communication and bonding.

So, Matthew told her when she needs something, she needs to say, "Hey, Mama..." 'Hey, Baba..." She started that with him in the morning at breakfast. I was pleasantly surprised. He also instituted her having to tell us 5 things everyday...new things. I am so grateful for him and his persistence. Sunday night when she was reporting to him her 5 things, she said 4 things and then he told her she could stop there if she gave him a hug....and she did! That is huge....because just that morning I fussed at her at church when she stiff-armed JingJing when JJ tried to hug her.

I totally get she may not want to be hugged...that is fine, well, not really, but what am I gonna do???..but I WILL NOT allow her to be rude to JJ, Meredith, us, or anyone. I told her it is okay to not want a hug, but you MUST say, "I don't want a hug" and not just push the person away without speaking...that will not be tolerated, EVER. I asked her why she didn't want JJ to hug her and she said, "I don't know." Uggghhh that is so frustrating!!!

 Please pray as we try to help her deal with her emotions, to name them, talk about them...it is an essential component to complete healing....to not be so knotted up inside that she has no clue about what she is feeling, good or bad, and cannot even begin to identify it.

I guess it was Sunday afternoon before she hugged Matthew, she came to me and said, "Hey, Mama, my tummy hurts." I wanted to dance a jig!!! I was thrilled that she actually came to me for help....post-institutionalized children who have had major traumas 1. generally don't trust people b/c they have been hurt so many times on such deep levels 2. learn to be totally self-reliant in order to survive 3. rarely ask for help, even from a caretaker/parent.

So, I considered that to be a big breakthru and just pray those things continue.